the quicksand relationship

while i was jogging, i thought of something my church friend (a guy) said of me, that while i am single now, just like some of my "jiemeis" in church, having been in relationships makes me just that tiny bit more "eligible", simply because I was "desired" unlike those who have never been in one. and that set me thinking about the quicksand relationships i've been in.

are we sometimes so afraid of the stigma of not having been attached, that we, like swine who enjoy rolling around in smelly mud, go around jumping mindlessly into disastrous relationships that, obvious to everyone else (except ourselves of course), has an ice-cube's chance in hell of having a happy ending?

P was in a love-hate relationship with this guy who was much shorter than her. and while most of us thinks that the guy is not good enough for her, their love-hate relationship was on-off-on-off for more than 2 yrs (i think). and i wondered at that time, what she ever saw in him, she was better educated, taller, in every sense of the word, "better" and definitely deserves someone better! but no... she chose to stay with him, despite all the pain, hurt, tears he put her through. i gave up trying to understand what made her hold on to him, but they've moved on now... the guy's (happily?) married now, and P is (happily?) single. she kinda shudders at the mention of his name even... too bad la, bad breakups...

and then i think of me, and my "complicated" relationship. I tell everyone i'm almost over him, and that it isnt hard to go thru, but i sometimes worry. I have been so used to waiting for him, that mayb now, in my subconscious, i m still waiting for him? How am I sure that I've forgotten? again, i think too much. but again, i think it's obvious to many that my r/s is a goner, or it shd b... cos i shd b with someone better, or so they all say. but if i cant bear to block him in MSN, or change my profile in friendster to "single"? drat, i hate this side of me that looks back too much for my own good.

we're almost sado-masochistic beings, binding ourselves with handcuffs and enjoying the pain n pleasure of the moment, even tho we know... it's not healthy, and there really is something wrong. is it becos we have nothing better to hang on to? or are we just suckers aka bitches aka melodrama-addicts?